I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
