I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
