I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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