I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
