i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
