literally had 100 drinks last night.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
