what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
