I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
