We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
