I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
