Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We got so high we made milksteak
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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