And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
