im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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