dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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