why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
