I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
