my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
