I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
