I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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