I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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