I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
