shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
