I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Every concussion has its silver lining
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
