i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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