quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
