im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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