I wish I only lived at night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
