So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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