we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
