Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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