I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
