My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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