After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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