So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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