During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
