1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
