He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
