He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
