Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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