seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize