Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
