he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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