she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
