btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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