2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize