i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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