No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
