you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize