Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
