apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
