does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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