did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
