Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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