I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize