No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize