You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
