There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
