So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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