Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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