Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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