New invention idea: vibrating tampons
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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