we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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