eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
