Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
