absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
