Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
