i wish my penis had a tongue
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize