Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
its not stalking. its research.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Randomize
