Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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