At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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