The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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