ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize