I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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